By Author Unknown

By Author Unknown

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk their love.
To lovei s to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The one who risks nothing does nothing and has nothing ---
finally is nothing.
He may avoid sufferings and sorrow,
But he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.
Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited freedom.
Only one who risks is free!

got this off godma's blog.. thought it was so true.. coz it applies to me in more ways than one.. =D

eye was a teeny weeny red todae.. but i still wore contacts.. the sins of vainity..

everyone had lunch appointments.. but i didn't!!! peiyu asked me to go join her and her friend but i didn't.. no alicia.. but i happily read tuesdays with morrie.. by mitch albom.. godma lent it to me.. and snacked on 4 or 5 small packs of super ring.. and got peiyu to get me mocha ice-blended.. =D

work was BORING.. aml.. sit there.. search.. scroll.. click.. note.. sit until my butt rot.. unless i went to the pantry for hot water.. or the washroom.. or down to the 10th floor to pass stuff and if i'm lucky.. i get to 'meet' my ec at the lobby.. so shiok rite.. *grins widely* nah.. i'm not fa-ing hua chi again steph.. where got fa hua chi..

rushed home todae.. so i could watch hai tun wan lian ren.. so shuang..

not nydc anymore.. billy bombers.. =D

suffering from irritating sore eye.. yea.. only my left eye.. so i wore specs to work.. freakin nerd looking.. but had no choice.. being super vain, i only wore specs in the office.. that means i didn't wear it on my way to work, lunchtime and on my way home.. =D hope it gets better or i'll just have to wear specs -again-

liquan dusen want to go to nydc's for lunch on sat.. hmm.. gonna call her tmr and get her to decide.. =P

april's wedding soon.. so cute.. i only remember attending 2 weddings in my life.. my godma's and my grandaunt.. yea.. my grandaunt.. hah.. and that was eons ago.. i need to find clothes to wear..

just check my application status.. got into tp.. so i guess i won't consider flying after all.. after studying maybe.. maybe not..

my burfdae cake is gonna be apple strudel.. not getting a cake.. we asked for an apple strudel.. gonna celerate our birthday together.. me and fiona.. =D

yea.. gavin's right.. been feeling v.v.v.lazy the past week.. lethargic and wadnot.. one week into poly.. hope you're doing fine yea?? so here's the update..

nothing much to report this week.. new colleague came in on wed.. ai leng.. currently sitting at my workstation as she'll needs to use the comp and stuff.. so i've moved to the desk nesk to chritopher's.. i can't see my ec anymore!!!! *pouts* o_O oh wells.. woke up on friday at 7.15 o_O which is very very late for me coz i have to be outta the house by 7.30 so i usually wake up at 6.30?? i woke up around 6.10 and figured that it was way too early.. so went back to sleep.. and the next thing i knew, it was 7.30 -.-.. and i really didn't wanna go work.. but sleep sumore.. but dragged myself outta bed and rushed.. left the house around 7.45-7.50? which was quite fast for me.. got myself a frap from starbucks just in case i'd be too stoned at work.. ended up.. christopher didn't even go to work.. should have just taken off la!!.. oh my sleep.. =/ and so coincidentally, quite some stuff happened.. like people from elsewhere came to look for him.. had to resend mail to another dept.. ask the i/c to resend mail.. inform someone that a mail was sent wrongly to us and all..

went out for lunch with godma and cuz today at marche.. and as usual, i was late *grinz* hast rostis -again- but i like their sausages.. and sea bass.. very nice =) went shopping after that.. she wanted a beret and something for my b'dae.. but i didn't know what i wanted.. so ended up walking around town.. heeren.. far east.. liat towers.. wisma.. taka.. and she dropped her white long sleeved top from zara while shopping at far east.. =\ it was tied casually around her hips and we had no idea where and when she dropped it.. retraced our steps.. but to no avail.. so went to liat towers and taka to see if there's still any on the racks.. either there wasn't any in her size or that design was not available anymore -.- saw an unique belt at zara and godma wanted to get it for my bdae.. but it cost 89 bucks or something.. o_O.. no wae.. little vicky was so tired from walking up and down orchard that we stop for food and/or drinks now and then... caine wanted to go catch a movie together but i was going home for dinner.. sorrie!! parted before 6 coz i was going home to have pasta.. passed by the new shop at taka.. saw plain but nice tubes.. however the queue was so long, i decided to come back another to try them.. weekday i hope..

my all time fave.. just read chelle's blog.. gurl.. thot you might like this.. if u want the song, let me know..

The single girl all alone in a great big town
The single girl gets so tired of love letting her down
The life's unreal and the people are homely
And the nights can get so lonely
The single girl needs a sweet loving man to lean on
I'm a single girl wondering if love could be passing her by
I'm a single girl and I know all about men and their lies
Nobody loves me cause nobody knows me
Nobody takes the time to go slowly
The single girl needs a sweet loving man to lean on
I gotta make my own way
There's rent I gotta pay
I need a night-time love to get me through the day
I'm a single girl all alone in a great big town
I'm a single girl and I get so tired of love letting me down
But there's a man I've yet to know
Waiting somewhere I've yet to go
Someday I'll have a sweet loving man to lean on
(fade while repeating "The single girl needs a sweet loving man to lean
on")

oh yah... i still have yet to decide where to go and eat on the 30th..

lq suggested tony romas.. but heard that it isn't that nice animore..
ali suggests something less meat-y..
xian suggested fish and co since alicia din want meat..
manda's mia.

and we cannot got out for dinner.. so it'll have to be lunch coz my mom can't meet me for lunch as she's working.. so i'll be having family dinner.. can't go out for drinks or to chill =\ and alicia.. dinner i'll be having chinese cuisine.. so for lunch have to be sumthing non-chinese.. =D

several options..
bobby rubino at chjmes (meat tho.. ribs)
nydc..
secret recipe..
spaggedies at paragon..
billy bombers

i've no idea already.. get back to me quick yea.. *yawns* off to bed.. more tmr i hope..

lots to blog -again-
too lazy to blog -again-
too stoned to think -again-
talking crap on msn -again-
catching up with frens in army -smth new-
checking an almost full mailbox -again-

dad refused to rub my foot yesterday.. got got fiona to help.. one word for it.. -pain-

moc today.. and we ran.. must have looked a sight.. i'm sure christopher can attest to that.. but if we didn't ran, then it wouldn't be fun at all.. it'll be so sian.. got dad to fetch me back after that coz i was just too lazy to make my way back.. =D

playing aunt agony to a friend.. but i can't divulge anything.. sworn to secrecy.. =X

to lazy to blog animore.. to lazy to even think..

nothing much to blog about.. alicia's started school.. i can't imagine lunching with my colleagues everyday.. not that there's anything wrong.. =D but just that we have tonnes of stuff to talk about and all..

during lunch today, walked too close to ada and when she stepped back right onto my right foot it was like damn ouch la.. no wonder guys say that gurls on heels are very dangerous.. got dad to help me rub another blue-black.. and that newly acquired injury.. and all the while i was clutching my brother's bolster =/ pain!!.. and christopher, u're not to tell ada that.. she'll probably feel so bad about it yea..

okay.. about that last post.. it isn't between me and my grandmother.. godma thought it was (shall elaborate later) and texted me during work on friday.. well it's between her and my maid.. !@#$^

aniwaes.. other than my grandfather, basically i'm the only person who dares to talk back to her.. my grandmother that is.. fiona just doesn't bother doing that.. and my mom *shrugs*.. in my opinion she just doesn't dare.. but she claims that she just doesn't wanna create more trouble than wad's already brewing..

in my whole 19 (almost) years.. i've changed enough maids as it is.. i can safely say more than 10.. this isn't about my life being pampered cause i have a maid and stuff alrite.. the changing of maids were totally the cause of the said !@$% person.. i'm probably gonna get struck by lightning (that's what they say bout those who scold their elders) but wadeva.. and i really empathise with all the maids who have been through my house.. scoldings at mistakes is alright.. but my grandmother's mouth is like .. !@#$ get my drift? i'm very surprised that none of them has ever done anything extreme.. *choi* and her mind is super imaginative.. i mean like super.. okay.. up to this point, people like fiona, alicia and steph should know where this entry is heading.. towards the ranting, complaining and even the hate mail direction.. and it's gonna be truly vulgar.. so sue me. *rolls eyes* i'll try to censor it la alright..

this time round is my maid being accused of stealing.. stuff like wad? clothes.. un***********.. i have no idea wad else.. i mean like steal for what.. different size ok.. u are so *** and it's not even worth selling lor.. *rolls eyes* oh and consuming stuff without permission... woke up this morning to her angry voice and so i went into the kitchen and sat there and listen.. seeing if she dares to go too far.. then she asked me if i'd drank her apple cider vinegar.. and the conversation -in chinese- (i wouldn't even call it that) went like this..

M: did u drink my apple cider vinegar?
S: yes *rolls eyes* (of course she didn't see that.. else i won't hear the end of it)
M: u drink it everyday?
S: of coz not la.. i don't need to 'jian fei' .. *rolls eyes* (steph will probably say that my eyeballs have rolled out by now)
M: i only drank it less than 10 times.. but there's so little left now..
S: (i didn't have anything to sae to that)
M: rambles.. mutters about the apple cider vinegar.. and about admitting to drinking blablabla.. which she meant that my maid drank it and refuses to admit it.. wdf lor.. and the muttering continues.. non-stop.. repeat and repeat it tell you.. and there i was still sitting there.. feeling so damn exasperated.. but what do you want me to say.. soon after the maid went to do the washing in the toilet.. sobbing away in there too.. she told me that she really didn't drink.. etc.. yes i noe.. i didn't know what to say but just told her that i believed her and not to mind that !@#$ person..

after that when my grandfather came back, told him what happened and stuff.. sat beside me while i was watching tv.. and said something along the lines that my grandmother was crazy (both me and fiona were laughing nonstop at this), should send her to the m.hospital, should get godma to come and talk to her etc.. coz apparently, my mom won't dare to face her head-on.. and when my grandfather tries to reason with her, he gets scolded instead.. so sad right.. and he just sorta complained to me about her la.. lotsa stuff.. like ust last week when they went to chalet with some other people, she lost her wallet and i dunno wad happened but it ended up in her bag. i can like imagine her just accusing people and stuff.. in my opinion, if i could, i would say this to her.. 'zhuo ren zhuo dao zhe me lao le.. dan shi lian ji ben de zun jing dou de bu dao.. zhen shi ke lian..' *shakes head*.. she basically is a matraichal figure.. where her kids live in fear of her.. ok.. that's how i see it.. the women are more predominant in our family..

and being the oldest grandaughter, i guess i just coudn't stand her tyrannical and nonsensical ways.. i was somehow bold enough to 'ding zhui' and i have gotten myself into 'trouble' quite a few times because of that.. but if history were to repeat itself, i wouldn't have done anything different.. okay.. and i must admit that i have no 1.love 2.respect for her.. and she claims that what ever she did is always answerable to god and stuff... i'm so 'kill me first why don't u'.. okay.. that's very dramatic of me but *shrugs*

just last night or the last last night, my maid was in my mom's room taking about her being accused and stuff.. and there my parents were like ' don't care about her, as long as we know you didn't take it it's alright'.. like hello? that's so super helpful? if it were someone else that accused her, i think that would be a consolation.. but with my grandmother, she'd just keep harping on it and make u feel so damn miserable ok.. and my dad was saying like 'it's not that we believe her (my grandmother), we just don't wanna quarrel with her and just -qian jiu- her' bah..

ok.. that's me airing my family's dirty laundery in public.. i will so not delete this entry.. godma.. although you may have differing opinions...

in conclusion, she has a problem trusting people.. if you can't trust your maids, why hire them.. ?? f***

i'm so disgusted with my mother's mother.. bah..

filing is plain boring.. but sometimes it's alright.. especially the satisfaciton u get when this really messy pile of papers are organised neatly.. but it's subjective.. office is sooooooo cold.. stupid air-conditioning system.. almost everyone was like wrapped up today.. cardigan.. shawl.. jackets.. and i'm falling sick.. sneezing like noone's biz now and used like lotsa tissue.. and it doesn't help that my stomach muscle is aching.. so everytime i sneeze, it'll ache.. -.- gonna leave a cardigan and/or a jacket at work.. mm.. maybe my nanyang's big jacket =D.. and my leg is aching.. had such difficulty just walking properly.. =
saw raphael at je interchange on my way home.. but i was so sleepy, disoriented and listening to radio.. saw him.. said hi and continued walking.. hah.. but he texted me soon after that and caught up some while on i was on the bus.. and coz i was texting him in a really sleepy mood, i missed my stop.. took a stop further down and walked back.. and then it started drizzling.. quite nice actually =) and it was breezy..

only managed to catch like 10mins of the taiwanese drama serial love at dolphin bay.. it's soo nice.. watched it before in vcd but i'm still watching bits of it on tv.. =)

gotta find med to take later.. hmm.. alicia's last day tomorrow.. won't be able to lunch with her as usual =\ and i still hadn't showed her my new ec.. =D haha.. school starts next week for her.. and her orientation's this sat.. hope she's ready for school.. i so am not.. neither is fiona.. or at least that's what she says..

didn't enroll for nyp afterall.. gonna wait for tp's reply, if not then i'm doing a private..

collected medical report today... during the consultation, i asked the doctor if sata does test for thalassemia (http://www.thalassemia.com) .. but he said that it was a dna test that can only be done at kk and gave me some info and stuff.. coz mom is a carrier of it.. *shrugs*.. so i hafta check if she's in the registrar of something something in nuh/kk's.. quite blur about that.. but will hafta check if out and probably go for a screening as it's hereditary but my mom's case is super minor and she's totally not concerned about it so it's totally non serious.. dun make a big hoohah bout that... -.- how come my mom isn't the one doing the job of finding more about it.. *raises eyebrows* *shrugs* .. and to think in nanyang when we were doing this extra project on community work and stuff we actually did some research on illnesses in children.. but i've totally forgotten about it..

went with alicia to pay for her enrollment at uob.. i had wanted to open an account there but.. the queue was taking sooo long.. so decided to postpone it.. went down to nyp to submit her forms then to town for yoga combat.. it was quite fun.. it's a aerobics/kickboxing style.. something like what dance soc came up for the aces day workout.. but this was more tiring.. or rather coz i hadn't been working out at all.. after that, we had a basic yoga session.. at the end.. the yoga master went to each one and did some back massage.. damn shiok i tell you.. he actually 'cracked' the whole of my spinal bone.. they call it acupunctural thingy.. you can't even achieve that by 'twisting' your body sidewaes or the usual stretching position (the one where you lie facing forward, body from hip upwards held above the ground with the palm on the floor and arching the body up/backwards.. the dance people should know what i mean).. but it was damn nice aniwae.. however the whole membership was quite expensive and it's for a whole year or two..depending of the package. so me and alicia didn't take it up.. *shrugs* i'm so gonna ache tomorrow.. suddenly workout after sooo long..

med checkup on sat with alicia and jianhua accompanied her too.. cancelled the sushi treat coz of that.. i still have no idea how did someone noe about it .. *rolls eyes*.. blood test was just gross i tell u.. not that i have a phobia of injections, needles or drawing blood but it's just gross.. that's why i'll never be a nurse.. aniwaes.. this mm.. elderly man was in charge of doing that.. was skeptical at first.. coz i had this really bad experience in sec school coz we had to draw blood for hep b testing.. it took so damn long for the vial to fill up.. apparently i have like rather thick blood which flows reeeaaally slooooooowly.. -.- and that's why i'll never go and donate blood (coz i'll probably take twice or thrice the amount of time).. even if i'm not slightly underweight. sorta watch the needle being inserted although before that i was making faces (not funny faces but the 'ohh.. it's realli gross / i dun wanna do this) at alicia who was waiting outside for me.. didn't watch the vial fill up but it was over soon enough and i had to press a cotton pad to my arm.. alicia went before me and she only had to press for like 30secs and the guy could put a plaster over it..? removed my cotton pad after a lil less than a min and blood started welling up.. so had to hold on somemore.. after a min, tried again.. but.. yea.. blood welled up sumore.. freaking thing.. it wouldn't stop.. so i just had to sit there and wait for it to stop.. after like 5 mins and several attempts.. it slowed down alot and i had a plaster on.. and i was thinking that it'll never stop.. >_< gross..

slack pretty much at home after that with a slightly sore arm.. trimmed/thinned down my hair.. coz it was getting too long and ... thick.. ?

sunday was usual.. initially baked cookies to bring to office tomorrow.. but my mom was complaining that everytime i bake, i'll bring all out.. never bake for her to bring to her office or leave some at home bla bla bla.. so ended baking a batch for her to bring to office.. calcium enhanced cookies.. coz i added milk.. for the ermm.. older people.. *coughs*.. haha.. will bake cookies to bring to office on monday nite.. need to get more ingredients.. baked brownies too.. well attempted to.. wasn't very nice.. but passable considering that it's my 1st attempt at that in like 4/5 years?? topped it with ice cream.. yum.. but very fattening.. =D

i'll have to take leave on wed to collect med report, settle nyp stuff and go for that complimentary yoga thingy with alicia.. =)

dinner with fiona, godma, godsis and maybe kelvin for dinner at seoul garden.. my bank account has dwindled to hardly a 3 digit.. i'm amazed at the amount of money i spend.. but on the other hand, *shrugs*.. transport ain't cheap, lunch out everydae.. clothes (lots), makeup (not v.little) etc etc.. yea.. that's where my salary went too.. -.- this is bad..

ada and april took leave today.. puiyu on course.. *yawns* terribly bored.. i think i sneezed a total of 30 plus times today -.- hope i'm not falling sick.. days at work are.. mm.. numbered?.. sounds so tragic.. and an amendment to my previous entry, alicia's quitting intially, entirely due to her boss and colleagues.. but after realising the nyp's commencement of semester and stuff, even if it's not due to the above reasons, gotta quit aniwae.. collections people are up.. kind noisy.. expected la.. met a a church friend who's temping in collections.. bet she can't remember my name though she recognised me as someone from church.. =/

AND poly stuff are soooo sooo troublesome.. super short dateline and all.. bah..

was so totally tired coz i have been up the late the last 3 nights? kelvin has enlisted.. i won't be able to get anymore songs =/ but yea.. one less person to chat with online.. got up half hour later than usual.. figured that i'd be v.sleepy at work.. so i skipped my usual ginseng water and made coffee to drink at work.. as i like my coffee thick, sweet and cold, i dumped 3 packets of nescafe, 3 spoons of milkmaid and some milk.. it sure kept me totally awake throughout the day.. and now i'm not even sleepy yet.. -.-

hmm.. received this totally wierd call on my hp today during work.. it was displayed as a private number.. this is gonna sound totally random and wierd but aniwae, i went out to the lobby to answer the call, it was sumone calld michael.. asking if i was sarah.. and that we were supposed to meet last sat at tampines and stuff.. said he saw me at the photoshop and called out to me but i didn't hear him and stuff.. and i was wearing a blue top right? i was like.. okaaaay.. who did u say u were again? do i know you? *raises eyebrow*.. where did u say u saw me again?.. where did i know you from.. ? aniwaes.. he got the wrong sarah.. he was looking for a sarah tan.. but isn't that so totally coincidental and absurdly wierd.. oh wadeva..

i wanted to blog about something.. but some things just can't be blogged.. for fear of offending people or straining relationships.. people whom u used to regard as close friends.. after some time.. (like say now) you realise that maybe the relationship wasn't as true.. you don't really know the person well enough.. vice versa.. oh wells.. i'm not ready/willing to just sour our relationship so i'm just gonna pretend that never happened.. and because i didn't want to face that issue and risk a relationship, fiona became the brunt of my complaints and wadeva.. =P

and alicia's leaving soon.. next friday.. cause she says she couldn't stand her boss and colleagues or something but her reason for leaving isn't entirely that.. and no, christopher.. u may not become big headed and say what a nice boss you are etc.. =P my turn soon.. nyp's application thru.. starts on the 18th.. which means i'll also have to end next friday.. but still waiting for tp's.. *crosses fingers*.. i think i'll choose htmae over dr...

ok.. finally i'm updating... nothing much actualli..

wed.. left earlier to go down to tp -again- yea.. then off to tampines mall to look for wenxian.. got some stuff from garnier so she could earn her comm.. then to aunt's hse in a cab.. coz i was too lazi to figure out how to get to her hse =P slacked around.. played with rockie.. and he's damn ch la.. always trying to get a romp on my leg okae.. o_O if u noe wad i mean.. and he follows me everywhere.. i mean everywhere.. even when i go for a shower, he'll wait for me outside the bathroom.. so cute rite.. and he understands that he can't follow me into the bathroom and vicky's room when i look at him with the disapproving expression and he'll just sit down and wait.. so so so cute.. some tv after early dinner.. then comp.. cluedo after that.. got it right on one of the 3 rounds we played.. then more comp till 11 - 12 ..? yea.. got so tired that i went to slp and work on the next day..

left work an hour earlier to collect my photos from hv.. stupid traffic jam.. but aniwae.. nothing much.. the guy was very nice and waited for me to collect the photos =)

wore specs to work coz i was suffering from sore eyes.. from the lack of sleep and the haze.. -.- i noe.. damn nerd and all.. wadeva.. ada treated me for lunch.. dunno bout puiyu.. coz i hadn't withdrawn $$.. thanks!!

interview for htmae at tp on sat.. that makes going down to tp 3 times in a week.. it was quite alright la.. but i dunno what are the chances and all coz it's like very competetive, lotsa applicants and all.. we'll see.. went to tampines mall and walked.. then went to giant at imm to look for raffia.. coz wx suggested making pompoms to cheer lq for her comp on sun.. like okaaaay... yea.. -.-

liquan's burfdae today...!! but she still has her track event on.. aniwaes.. i onli made one pomX2.. too lazy to do another one.. and ali and man din make too.. and wenxian borrowed from her frens.. okaaaay.. good.. at least we needn't wave pomx2 around like crazee people.. met at gombak station after 2pm.. sweltering hot.. what a nice day for a tan.. but aniwaes.. liquan was at the opposite side from the audience area.. and it was sectioned off.. so we couldn't go and suprise her.. wx called her and told her we were there and stuff.. and we were trying to spot her.. and for the life of me.. i couldn't seem to spot her when ali, wx and manda could see her waving and jumping around la..

went to my house after that to slack.. manda 'wa dao bao' when i took out all my beads stuff.. haha.. chatted.. lazed around.. used comp.. made reservations for dinner at hard rock for 6 but we only left my house at 5.50 -.- heh.. ended up.. liquan reached there earlier than us.. and so the burfdae gurl had to wait.. hahha.. =P dinner was very nice and very filling.. all meat.. ribs, steak, fish and pork shank.. 5 of us ordered 4 main.. and a brownie ice cream thingy.. and a complimentary birthday sundae and one ice cream on the house.. just imagine that.. birthday gurl got sabotages and had to do this item.. 'blowjob' he said.. and she had to stand on the chair while birthday song was sung and all.. but it was all in good fun and i'm sure liquan enjoyed herself immensely.. rite liquan.. ??

walked down orchard to help digest that really hearty meal.. met up with liquan's friend michael.. *coughs*.. then to wisma's indochine.. had two martinis.. one sex on the beach.. and earl grey tea.. amongst the 6 of us.. it was like 9 plus.. latest i ever stayed out.. and my mom hadn't called/msg and asked me to update.. all of us were so surprised.. turns out.. coz she thought my dad will arrange with me to pick me up .. but dad was out entertaining his friends from hongkong and will not be done till 12 .. 1 .. 2 am.. dinner then out drinking no doubt.. manda's dad came to pick her up.. so me and alicia hitched a ride halfway.. then parted ways..

took a cab from bukit batok as it was quite late and the last thing i needed was my mom to nag.. or else i won't be able to stay out late again.. =D work tomorrow... doesn't feel like it.. guessed i'm too used to it le.. waking up at 6.30 everyday.. even on saturdays and sundays.. and my dad just got home, nagged at me to go sleep =/..

mass at 8 tmr/today.. i hope i don't fall asleep..